I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
