I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
