they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
