That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
