whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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