I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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