Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
