It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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