Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
