Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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