The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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