I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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