I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
