He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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