WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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