If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
