i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
