I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
