i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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