I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
