So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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