I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
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