Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just found a bag of teeth...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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