you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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