I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
