apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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