You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
