Do you still have your period?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
