god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
