I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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