it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
