I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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