I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
