When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
