Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
two words...techno handjob
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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