They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
