I'm lost and stupid without you.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
