On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
