Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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