I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
