No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
