Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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