He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
