I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
