I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
