Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
