just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
