So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
