brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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