apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
