He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
