So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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