Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
