I'm so fucking centered right now
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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